NeS2 Post 1785
The first half of NeS2 Post 1785 is the continuation of Britt the Legend wherein Britt finally crashes back down to Earth, after being flung through space by Marduck in NeS2 Post 1784, in Burgundy. He crashes into Joan of Arc, who, as a result, is captured by the Burgundians and executed as a witch while cursing Britt. Britt, however, remains in BrittSleep for another hundred years, during which time he was taken to Rome, before he wakes up and staggers to his old house. The house has been replaced with a new one but the family inside are his descendants. Adélaide Simonier is an incredible inventor who seems to have invented a great many anachronistic things, including the refridgerator and the atomic bomb, and is helping Copernicus with his theories. She invents things before she even knows what they do. The second half of the post continues the time-adventure of Frank Smith and Subaru Yamamoto, who fight their way through the TEA HQ until summoned to the Head Office. There they find Chronos who tells them they have come to the Far-Far-FAR Future instead of the Far-Far Future and that he has been exonerated already. He needs to go back to the Far-Far Future, however, and save Chronos from those who have taken over the TEA during that period. They use one of the time machines to travel back and find the TEA officers are well armed. Post Britt the Legend: Chapter Fifteen Britt the Legend - Chapter Fifteen Earth, 1430, Burgundy. [[Joan of Arc|'Joan of Arc']]:' "Don't let a single one through!" ''The Siege of CompiegneSiege of Compiègne article, Wikipedia. '' had been going in favour of France, inspired by the young heroine Joan d'Arc who had emerged from nowhere wielding the sword of legendary hero Charlemagne. The English, and pro-English French, had been winning battle and after battle during the French-English war that was due to last for 100 years but with the arrival of Joan the tides had turned.'' Burgundy, who is pro-English, stands at the walls of Compiegne where Joan of Arc stands in defence. Victory seems assured. But then there's a sudden blaze in the sky! '''French Soldier #1: "Is it a bird!?" French Soldier #2: "Is it a plane!?" French Soldier #3: "No! It's-- wait, what the Hell is a plane?" The whirling ball of fire smashes into the proud walls of Compiegne and send them tumbling down. French soldiers lie stricken and, all at once, defeat is certain and the Burgundian forces storm the castle! Britt the Bard rolls over onto his back and snores loudly. Joan of Arc, likewise, rolls over onto her back and finds herself lying next to the sleeping man that fell from the sky. Joan of Arc: "What kind of country hurtles sleeping men at their enemies!?" She sits up. Joan of Arc: "Come to think of it what kind of country has men that burst into flames and survive being thrown at a castle wall?" The Burgundians were instantly upon Joan of Arc and she is captured. One year later she is executed - burnt at the stake as a witch - while Britt, the one responsible, continues to sleep on with very happy and wonderful dreams. *******. The Burgundians, shocked and amazed by their saviour, believed he was an angel sent from Heaven by God Himself and they sealed Britt in a glass tomb where they believed he would one day awaken and save them all from the impending Judgement Day. His glass coffin was moved, naturally, to the heart of Christianity - Rome - where he rested for another hundred years. Being thrown through space had clearly taken its toll. Unfortunately the Roman janitor forgot to lock the door of the tomb one day and Britt's glass coffin was nicked by a bunch of thieves during the Sack of RomeSack of Rome (546) article, Wikipedia..'' ''They would soon discover that nobody wanted to own a sleeping man - save for the occasional pervert - and they tossed the glass coffin into a ditch where it sat for several more years until Britt finally awoke from his BrittSleep. Britt stumbled out of the ditch in a state of confusion and weariness. His legs wobbled as he eventually stood tall and looked out at the city of Rome. Britt: "Home..." People gave him odd looks as he went by - apparently wearing strange ceremonial white robes (that he had been dressed by in worshippers) was a bit strange. Britt's first surprise was Christianity. Gone were the Roman Gods he knew and in was the singular God and his Son Jesus. Britt couldn't quite get his head around the whole idea, especially since he had MET the old gods, but chose to simply forget it for now. He just wanted to find something he knew and understood. The buildings he once loved, the colosseumColosseum article, Wikipedia.'' and the temples, were mostly in ruins but as he got to the suburbs of the city he started to fix things in his mind. Finally he found HIS house.'' It looked a bit different. In fact it looked COMPLETELY different. His had been a little mud hut, this was a massive three-storey house made of stone... but it was in the right place! He burst in. After a lot of anger, screaming and shouting, Britt was flung out of the house by the owners. Britt: "You stole my house!" The door slammed in his face. Britt, in his fury, found a brick on the floor, picked it up and curled his hand back to throw it through the window. The door suddenly burst open again. Girl: "Britticus!" Britt looked incredibly guilty as he froze in his impending destructive pose. Girl: "... were you going to throw a brick through my window!?" Britt: "Uh... no?" He slowly lowered his arm and started to inspect the brick. Britt: "Just... admiring it... it's a very beautiful... stone..." Girl: "From what I know of you, I almost believe you." Britt: "You know me?" He tossed the brick to the ground haphazardly. Girl: "You're - probably - my great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great... great-great-great-great--" Britt: "Uh... can you just say great to the number of?" Girl: "Well, you're my ancestor. Probably." Britt: "I am!?" Girl: "My name is Adélaide Simonier." Britt: "Simonier? Really?" She nodded enthusiastically. Britt: "That sounds a bit like Simonius! What a coincidence!" Adélaide facepalmed. Sometime later Britt is wandering through the halls of his old-new house. He admired the decoration. The people of today had far more taste than he ever had... or indeed most people of his time. Adélaide: "I'm sorry my father threw you out. You did kind of come out of nowhere... and you look like a crazy person." Britt: "Funny, I thought he was the crazy one." Adélaide: "Well I'm glad you came back during MY time! You have no idea how excited to meet you I am! The family almost gave up home that you'd ever return!" Britt: "You know, I'm still finding it a bit creepy that my family has become some kind of... Britticus Cult." Adélaide: "We're nothing of the sort! We only keep this house, watch out for signs of your return, celebrate your birth each year, kiss portraits of you, run around the woods every summer and have rampant sex with trees and finally burn effigies of you to invoke your spirits in the slaying of our foes." Britt: ''':o '''Adélaide: "Haha! I'm just joking." Britt: "..." Adélaide: "Except for the burning effigies part." Britt: :o Adélaide: "You're way too easy." Britt: "I bet your parents just adore you, don't they?" Adélaide: "Actually they DO, cheeky! They think I'm a bright spark of light in our family!" Britt: "Don't all parents think that?" Adélaide: "Perhaps, but not every daughter invented so many awesome things! Come and see!" Adélaide led Britt out into the garden, which Britt was shocked by - the entire countryside had been his garden - and taken to a long shed marked "Adél's Workshop - Keep Out or Die Painfully from a Multitude of Hazards including, but not limited to, electricity, impalement, magic, chemical warfare, bullet to the head or frenzied monkey zombies." Britt: "I don't even understand most of what's on that sign." Adélaide: "You will!" She opened the door to reveal a massive workshop filled with a large collection of apparatus and junk that was haphazardly placed throughout the room. Britt stepped back outside, looked at the size of the workshop, and then entered again. Adélaide: "I used a plot-hole event to relocate us to a much larger workshop. Awesome, huh!?" Britt: "This is... kind of... blowing my mind." Adélaide: "There's also a plot-hole event at the back that would take us to the family home in France!" Britt: "France?" Adélaide: "Couldn't you tell from my name? Our family's mostly French, we left Rome loooooooong ago. Actually Joan of Arc was dating my great-great-great-great-grand-uncle!" Britt was suddenly struck by the image of a young woman trying to kick his sleeping form in spite as she was being dragged away by soldiers. He shook the image from his mind. Britt: "No idea who that is. So, do you care to explain all of this crap?" Adélaide whipped out a pair of glasses which she popped on her face and looked up at him. Her eyes were super-enlarged and Britt jumped. Britt: "What the Hell!?" Adélaide: "They help me see! I can't see without my glasses! Because I'm a nerd." Britt: "A what?" Adélaide: "Nevermind. Actually I can see just fine. I made them for someone else. But they're neat, right? This one I call the Light Bulb. Because it's a bulb, like a flower, that emits light!" Britt: "Now that IS impressive!" Adélaide: "Right!? I invented it to go in my refrigerator!" Britt: "A what?" Adélaide: "Something that keeps food cold so it will last longer! And then I was thinking, 'Wow! What if I need to eat from the refrigerator at night!?' And so I invented the light bulb!" Britt: "Seems like a pretty small use for something with so much potential..." Adélaide: "HEY! Don't diss fridge! It's the most important thing in my life! It contains my snacks." Britt: "Uh... right..." Adélaide: "There is my helicopter. I used to study under Leonardo da VinciLeonardo da Vinci article, Wikipedia. and I improved upon his design. It should work. When I invent a motor for it. This here is a NintendoNintendo article, Wikipedia.. It won't work until I invent a television though. And this is a Plot-Hole gun! It's what I used to create these plot-holes for my convenience. Because I'm infinitely lazy." Britt: "That seems like a dangerous weapon." Adélaide: "Weapon? I sometimes use it to get to the fridge if I'm on the otherside of the workshop..." Britt: "Right. I suppose it depends on who is using it..." Adélaide: "And this is my current project!" Britt: "You made a MAN!?" Adélaide: "What? No! That's Capernicus! He's working with me on this massive model of the solar system I'm trying to create. We hypothesise that the Earth travels around the sun, not the other way around!" Britt: "Yeah, that is true." Capernicus: "What? How can you know this?" Britt: "I saw it. Sometimes I woke up on my journey back to Earth and saw it. But I'd suffocate and fall asleep. I woke up a lot of times though... So I saw the Earth basically moving around the sun. And the moon around the Earth. I'd say it was beautiful, but suffocation is damned painful. Stupid Marduck." Adélaide: "I don't really understand what you just said." Britt: "Consider that revenge then." Capernicus: "Thank you for confirming my understanding, Sir! I shall go and publish my work right now! Thank you Adélaide for all of your hard work!" Adélaide used her plot-hole gun to create plot-hole for Capernicus to get back topside. She then opened another plot-hole to the fridge. She was back a moment later with two pots. Adélaide: "I invented this food too. I call it yogurt. It keeps really well in the fridge!" Britt: "I'm pretty overwhelmed, I have to admit. Are you going to sell these inventions?" Adélaide: "No WAY! I don't want other people using MY refrigerator!" Britt: "Right... and what's this?" Britt picked up a thin, shaft-like instrument. Adélaide: "Don't touch that!!" Britt dropped it. Adélaide: "That's my neuralyzerNeutralyzer article, Wikipedia.! It'll make you forget everything that happened within the last few minutes. It's made me very confused many times until I figured out what it did!" Britt: "You mean you're inventing things without knowing what they do?" Adélaide: "That's right! Invent first, question later! This big thing here I call the Atom Bomb!" Britt: "What does it do?" Adélaide: "No idea! That's the fun of it, don't you think!?" ---------- In the far-distant future. Frank Smith: "WRAAAAAAAAAAA!!!" Far-Future Cop #67: "Run away!!!" The far-future cops run away from the rampaging future cop Frank Smith and his cohort Subaru Yamamoto. So far fisticuffs had gotten the two of them through the far-future police station without defeat. The police were weary and tired of the beat-down and were starting to flee wherever the two of them went. Fortunately for them the far-future cops had banned all weaponry from use within the station itself, meaning they were never attacked by anything other than human bodies. Then, a light pinged on the wall and a voice came through the speakers. Mystery Person: "Agent Smith, please report to Head Office." Frank Smith instantly snapped to attention and straightened up like a robot. He proceeded to walk towards Head Office without further word. Subaru: "Frank? You're actually going to obey the speaker?" Frank Smith: "Huh? Oh right. Sorry, old habits! Still, I think going to the Head Office is exactly what I should be doing. There I can clear this up once and for all!" Subaru: "I don't even know what you're trying to clear up. Fine. Let's go then we can get back to the past." They march to Head Office and Frank, still holding to old habits, knocks politely. Mystery Person: "Come in!" They go in and find the Mystery Person standing under a lamp of light in full view. Subaru: "Chronos. It really is you!" Chronos: "What? You thought there'd be some kind of twist where I'd been replaced as Mystery Person? I think the NeS has enough of those right now, don't you?" Frank Smith: "I want my name cleared!" Chronos: "Done." Frank Smith: "You can't sp-- wait, what?" Chronos: "Done ages ago." Frank Smith: "...really?" Chronos: "Clearly you were trying to get to the Far-Far Future. Well you've ended up in the Far-Far-FAR Future!" CynthAI: "Um... Oops?" Chronos: "In the Far-Far Future I actually was replaced, you rescue me and voilà, I'm in charge again. So, get your skates on and go back in time to rescue me!" Subaru: "Didn't you just, like, break million time rules?" Chronos: "Subaru, I basically WROTE the laws of time, okay? Just go do it. By the time you pair showed up, I was damned bored." Subaru: "If you're in such a telling mood, care to give us all of the exact details to save us a lot of messing about?" Frank Smith: "Well at least I know you didn't order my arrest, someone else did." Chronos: "I DID put the order for your arrest! You still messed up, Frank! You'd have been fined and put on probation for a decade. Then you could come back to work." Frank Smith: "Gee... thanks..." Chronos: "Just go and rescue me, you'll be exonerated. The Far-Far Future Cops will also stop hunting you down. To be honest, their zeal really wasn't my doing. You weren't that important." Frank Smith: "I'm... relieved? I guess?" Subaru: "Let's just get this over with. I'm already in way over my head." Frank Smith: "What's with your window, by the way? Usually we can see the planet through that." Chronos didn't look up. Chronos: "This station, as you know, is beyond time. We exist only partially within the real world, as you might call it. Out there... it's... all gone." Frank Smith: "What? How? What is that... darkness?" Chronos: "You'll find out soon enough when you return to the past." Subaru: "That doesn't bode well. Maybe I should stay here after all!" Chronos: "Just get moving! I told you I'm being held prisoner, didn't I!?" Subaru: "But if you were replaced by someone else in the far-far future, doesn't that mean it is another twist in the story after all?" Chronos: "I told you in advance, so it's not a twist any more is it?" Subaru: "Pretty sure that's faulty logic. But fine. Let's go Frank." They enter another room where a bunch of very sore officers scowl at Subaru and Frank before strapping them into a time machine. Subaru: "Why are we in this machine? Why not just use CynthAI again?" Frank Smith: "Well... this machine is... safer." Subaru stares at Frank with dead-pan eyes. Frank Smith: "It's like using solar power or nuclear power. Usually you're fine with nuclear power but it could... y'know. So while we have access to this thing-!" Subaru: "You are so being removed from my list of people I trust, Frank!" Frank Smith: "I imagine that's a very small list for you, Subaru." The machine is suddenly propelled forward and they are both slammed back into their seats with the sudden acceleration. After a series of bright white lights and flashes they open their eyes to find themselves in the same room. Subaru: "We didn't go anywhere!" Two cops approach the capsule that Frank and Subaru inhabited. They look much meaner and are well-armed compared to the Far-Far-FAR Future Cops. Frank Smith: "Actually, I think it did work..." References External References Category:Post Category:NeS2 Post